Maybe he ignores you. Maybe each request brings a stormy outburst. How do you get your tween to cooperate?
Consistent Expectations There are two keys to consistent expectations with tweens: consistency and motivators.
- What does your tween want to do? Swim? Watch TV? Jump on the trampoline? Call friends? Hopefully, those are the fun things built into your schedule. Who wants to work if there is no play later?
- Schedule chores,etc. just before fun things. At first, keep the chores the same. Later you can vary the list a little, but keep it at the same time in the day. If Annie knows that she is doing chores (clear the table, take out trash) everyday before DVDs she will not be as apt to agrue.
Reminders Fewer reminders are needed with a tween, than a young child. Point out the expectation on the schedule. Don't dwell on it. Don't get upset. The motivator will eventually take over.
Consequences Suppose Sally has Down syndrome and plays with a doll when she is supposed to take out the trash. Soon it is time for her favorite TV program. The trash goes out first. Then the TV goes on. No trash - no TV. Again, this does not have to be a power struggle. Let the power of the motivator (the TV program, for example) work for you.
Getting Back on Track / Staying on Track Young children, tweens, and teens need unconditional love and guidance of their parents. Every child challenges authority. As soon as possible (after a challenge / consequence ) re-establish positive interaction with your tween. Of course, you still love Mike who won't pick up his clothes until it means no bike ride. Make sure Mike knows that.
This Stage of Development It is normal for children to challenge their parents. Tweens challenge differently. Often it goes to the point we would call rebellion. Because children (children with special needs included) need to grow into independent adults, they pull away from adult rules and advice. Parents set age and developmentally appropriate limits and provide fair consequences with minimal confrontation.
My next article:
Note: All children in this article are fictitious and represent general characteristics of the disability.
© 2006 Lynn Moore No portion of this article may be copied or distributed without the written consent of the author.
