Special Needs Learned Helplessness
Fostering Independence and Building Self-esteem
If asked, many parents of children with special needs rate independence and job skills as long range goals for their children.
Who will care for the child as an adult if he is not independent? How will that child / turned adult pay for food, clothing, and a place to live? As real as the concern for a disabled child’s future is the temptation to be overprotective and a little easier on the expectations.
What the child cannot do. Consider the ramifications of the disability first.Although this may sound like a negative approach, it will help you keep your eyes on all the other possible ways your child can succeed.
Obviously, if a child is blind, he is blind. Yet, most individuals who are legally blind have some vision. . . Re-ask the question. What specifically can’t the child see? Perhaps the child cannot see detail but can make out large objects.
What the child CAN do. Having answered the first question, the second one is simple. The child can do EVERYTHING ELSE with the correct training and expectations.
In the above example, if the child can seelarge objects, then it is realistic to expect him to greet a person who approaches him in the home. This will carry over to civil greetings in the workplace. Remember the child can only not see detail such reading a handwritten note. Everything else is possible and a fair expectation.
Stop to think about things that you do not expect your child to do. Are they really things that he cannot do?
- A deaf child asks her sister to take a form to the school office for her. Why? Does a hearing loss prevent her from walking to the office? No. Do other students have someone to run errands for them? No. Will the deaf child be in situations as an adult where she will need to be resourceful in communication? Yes!
- A physically handicapped child is asked a question about routine by a babysitter. She hesitates. Should another family member answer for her? No. Does the physical disability preclude her from answering? No. Answering a question on her own and communicating with a new person, however, will do wonderful things for her self-esteem.
Each child with special needs has certain things that must be done for or accommodated for him. That means that he is dependent on others for those things. (Think of the blind child presented with a handwritten note.) Fight hard for your children to be independent in every other way.
