The Special Needs Discussion
How to Explain To Your Child That He or She is Unique
Specific tips are provided to help parents with a very important discussion- telling your child about his or her special needs.
Parents of a child with a disability can clearly remember the moment they first heard their child was born with a disability. They may have experienced a number of overwhelming feelings including confusion, shock, denial, grief, guilt, and anger, to name a few. As they begin to allow these feelings to sink in, they move on, do research about their child’s condition, access information about resources and services and slowly begin to move to a position where they experience acceptance and stability.
Parents of children with special needs understand that nurturing an infant/toddler with special needs takes a lot of time, energy, and a great deal of patience. However, when the child enters the school system and quickly becomes aware of the differences between others in the classroom, parents understand they have a new role.
“I knew that my daughter was aware she was different, but I didn’t know when I should tell her or what I should tell her,” said Kelly Start, a parent of a child with a disability, during an interview in February 2008. Ms. Start isn’t alone. A lot of parents of children with special needs aren’t sure of this new role or the appropriate way to discuss the realities of the child's situation.
Here are some tips to help parents with this important conversation. However, remember to think back to some of the feelings you had when you first learned of your child's condition and though it may not be exactly the same feelings you originally felt, the child may have some strong feelings about this new information as well.
Entering the School System
As your child grows and develops education becomes a crucial part of daily life. Your child may enter the school system and children with special needs are often involved in mainstream education. Mainstreaming is an inclusive form of education that provides students and special needs students the opportunity to learn in the same classroom.
When special needs children enter a mainstream classroom, they often become more keenly aware of the differences between themselves and their peers. Often school age culture celebrates and promotes similarities between others and stigmatizes those that are different—with or without special needs. At this time, your child may begin asking a lot of question about his or her differences.
Helping Your Child Understand His or Her Differences
Parents have a number of different roles throughout their child's life and all parents of children, with special needs or not, must talk to their child and help them understand that they may be different, that differences are okay, and that everyone is different from one another. However, learning to feel comfortable with those differences is extremely important for success both in school and throughout life.
In a 2008 interview Dr. Deborah Varos, a clinical psychologist from Southern California, suggested the following to help special needs children understand their differences.
- Instill a strong sense of self in the child before he or she enters the school system.
- Help your child feel unique and complete just as is and be sure he or she does not feel ‘damaged’ in some way due to the special needs.
- Explain the disability to your child in age appropriate and simple terms and don’t sugar coat it. This will allow her to understand and help her explain her condition to others.
- Explain to your child that everyone has things they must work harder at and give examples of your own experience. For instance, you may have difficulty with math and have to work harder at this than other's in the classroom.
- If your child’s disabilities are physiologically based then emphasize this so she understand this isn’t a character flaw.
- Be open and ready to listen to your child’s concerns, but don’t overwhelm her with too much information at one time.
- Guide your child to feel comfortable about talking about his or her concerns with others including physicians, teachers, other parents, and children.
- Locate age appropriate books online that describe disability awareness and read the books to your child to help continue facilitating discussions.
Parents of children with special needs often find they have discovered more about themselves and learned more during the first few years of their child’s life than in any other time period. Ms. Start, in the above noted interview, expressed a feeling of having learned not to judge others and learned to love unconditionally for the first time in her life. This is significant life lesson and it is crucial to remember that with your guidance, your child will learn this lesson as well.
